by Linda Kondracki

“Quit bothering me! Can’t you see I’m tired?”
“You can’t be sick today. I can’t take the time off work!”
“Don’t be so selfish. Your little brother can play in your room if he wants to. He’s just a baby.”
“Remember this formula for joy: Jesus first, Others second, and Yourself last.”
“You’re getting too big to sit on my lap and be cuddled; that’s just for little kids.”
“Stop that crying this instant!”

Do any of these statements sound familiar? If you are a parent inbalance.jpg recovery, you probably grew up with messages like these, all of which communicated to you that your needs were not okay. Perhaps one of the most difficult parts of recovery is learning to recognize our own needs and find appropriate ways to get them met. And the next question is, “How do we keep from passing on to our children the message that was passed on to us – , “your needs don’t matter.”

One way is to clearly spell out the messages we want to send to our kids. We can do that by using slogans. Slogans can be powerful reminders and teaching tools when we make them a part of our everyday life. Look at those listed below and choose several that capture what you would like to communicate to yourselves and your children. Write them out and post them on the bathroom mirror or the refrigerator door. Use them as encouragements (It’s okay to ask for help), affirmations (Your needs are okay with me), and teaching tools (Say what is true!).

SLOGANS FOR PARENTS TO GIVE TO THEMSELVES:

Recognize that no parent can meet their children’s needs 100% of the time. It is much healthier to surround yourself with a support network of people who can have positive influences in your children’s lives, and don’t be afraid to ask for help from them when you need it.

SLOGANS FOR PARENTS TO GIVE TO THEIR KIDS:

Another example: If your child says to you, “You always play with Johnny and you never play with me!” you can respond with, “I don’t think what you just said is true. Please tell me what you are feeling (or thinking or want) from me right now.” Help your child say something that is more true, such as “I need some play time with you, too.” or, “I feel left out”.

Activity Box: HAVE A SLOGAN PARTY

Here’s a way to accomplish several things at once. You can reinforce important truths by working with slogans, and at the same time enjoy a family evening together. Kids will love having everyone – adults included – working together on craft projects. You can also extend your support network by inviting one or more families to join you.

Choose several slogans from the list above, or others that have meaning to your family. Have available a variety of craft materials for making the slogans into usable items. Examples:

NOTE: If you do not know how to prepare craft projects, stop by your local craft store and ask for help, or invite friends who know how to do such projects to help and join you.


Go to more Articles by Linda Kondracki in STEPS Magazine.

NOTE: Reproduction in any form without the express written permission of the author is prohibited.